A lot of my readers have asked me the same question….”How do you know if you’re in a relationship for keeps or a “just for fun” relationship….So here goes….Here’s what I think!!
If this man/woman is the real deal he will pass all the “red flag” test that you throw at him. 1st and foremost you have to establish boundaries or rules for yourself when dating and seeking that “forever” relationship. For instance, from the beginning… KNOW exactly what you are looking for in a relationship. KNOW what you will compromise and what you WON’T…example: if you have a need that a guy picks you up for a date….then start out saying from the beginning…” I don’t drive to dates”
The easiest way I have found is to write out a list of qualities in a person that I require them to have.
In my days of Soul Searching, each person I entered a relationship had some of the qualities that I adored but I never took in to consideration the qualities that I “dislike”….these are called “RED FLAGS”.
When I began dating again I wrote out my list, I looked back at all the relationships and wrote down all their qualities and put them into “adore” and “red flag” categories.
For instance: I have a huge RED FLAG if I start to FEEL that a guy only comes around for sex, if he only texts you and never calls, if he doesn’t spend quality time with you WITHOUT sex. “MAJOR RED FLAG”
Everyone has flaws, but in my own protection mode, if a guy gets three red flags….no use going any further in the relationship because you will end up attached and he will just move on to the next.
Now some of my readers asked me to relate this to them being “THE OTHER WOMAN” in a relationship.
Here is my advice….IF he is married….RUN RUN RUN….RED FLAG…..
IF he is in a relationship but it is finished except for the “business part”…the part where they have to divide their belongings and find other shelter accommodations….this should be a RED FLAG as well. It may very well be over in their mind but let’s face it…if one person wants out and the other person doesn’t…the one that doesn’t will pull every tactic from “I can’t live without you to….pulling out SEX moves …to using the kids or having sick relatives”…trust me I’ve heard it all!!
If you have been seeing this guys for a couple of months and he still hasn’t made any progress in LEAVING…..RED FLAG
Trust me….it doesn’t take that long to make up your mind on whether to stay or go…maybe if kids are involved or your name is on the mortgage but if there is really no ties that bind you except for a memory of “WHAT WAS”….then there is NO REASON to stay…..that my friends is a huge RED FLAG.
IF you are mixed up in this triangle and this guy has his own mind believing he is doing things slowly as to not “hurt” the so called soon to be “ex” and wants to “part as friends”….RUN RUN RUN….RED FLAG….
Here’s why: IF his relationship is truly OVER….then YOU’RE FEELINGS WOULD MATTER AS MUCH AS THE EX’S!!! If he barely spends time with YOU….but goes out to eat with her…the soon to be ex….WHY?
If he comes running to you for sex but can’t pick up the phone to call you or come over and just watch a movie or take YOU out to eat…..RUN RUN RUN….RED FLAG!!
I say this because what you are doing is filling his “EMPTY” need that is lacking at “HOME”. I said HOME…HIS HOME…THE ONE HE DOESN’T PLAN ON LEAVING…..WHY SHOULD HE?…..he has everything HE wants out of this relationship….SEX with YOU….and “comfort” of NOT having to start OVER with HER.
You want to know for sure if he’s “INTO” you as a person, as a “Love Interest” and not just for “SEX”…….MOST (I say Most) men are DETAILED orientated….they remember small details, your hands, your smell, your hair, your eyes, yes your cleavage….but if a guy is really into you, he goes a step further…he remembers your birthday…your favorite flower…your favorite color…etc…….he will pick this up from just “Listening and observing you”….he will KNOW this WITHOUT you telling him or it ever being discussed.
If you’re GUT feeling is telling you that YOU are just his “JUST FOR FUN” on the side….you probably ARE. Because if a person doesn’t like their circumstances then they change their circumstances…if they aren’t willing to do something about their circumstances and they say “let destiny take its course”….GET OUT!!….it’s not YOUR journey to travel with him….he may seem perfect for you but he is NOT….if HE were…HE WOULDN’T BE THERE…..HE would be with YOU!!
Learn to KNOW yourself…TRUST your gut instinct….if you are FEELING 2nd best or like a 2nd choice or a backup plan…..Honey….YOU ARE!!
You can’t blame this on him either….he has treated you… the exact way YOU have allowed him too!! That is why it is so important for you to set up boundaries and rules and a “RED FLAG LIST”
Know what you WANT out of a relationship before you jump right in….YOU are a TREASURE and don’t just give your TREASURE away…make him WORK FOR IT!!
Love yourself first….by setting boundaries and rules and a “RED FLAG LIST”….you can rest assured that your heart will open up to the RIGHT GUY AT THE RIGHT TIME…..it may not happen overnight or within a year…but being single doesn’t have to mean being lonely….being single and being happy is the fastest way to finding true love.
It’s taken me 4 years to finding ME again….the man that gets my heart WILL have to jump through fire to get it and keep it….I know what I want in a relationship…I know how I want to be treated…I know what I will compromise and what I won’t…..Mr. Right will find me one day…and if he doesn’t that is ok too…I have finally found peace within myself and that for me is TRUE LOVE♥